Kaleidoscope: BIRTHDAY BLUES :-)

Kaleidoscope: BIRTHDAY BLUES :-)

BIRTHDAY BLUES :-)

Most woman have an uncanny knack to remember dates especially birthdays and anniversaries. Men have an equal knack to forget them. I am sure many of you will agree! As I grow older I wish to God that this gift disappears since it will save me from knowing that I am ageing and also reminding others of their growing age when I end up wishing them!!

            There are a few humorous incidents connected with my birthday. Here are a few.

            My husband is "good" enough not to wish me on these special days but imagine my surprise when he wished me a happy birthday as I handed him his morning coffee!!!! That day happened to be my fortieth year in this world and I was planning to enjoy it every bit. No parties, cakes, balloons, eat drinks, etc! I was going to count the number of greetings I would get.

             So that was a good start! What next?

            Sure, there it is! Two fab cards from my kids. They made it themselves! Wow!

 But wait, there has to be a hitch somewhere. I get a call early morning from an unknown number.

I wonder who that could be as I pick up the phone. Not a well wisher but my maid to report sick.

Just what I need!!

            After my stint in the kitchen, I reach office. Till now the polling has not been up to my expectations. Besides my mom and brother none called in. I was expecting calls from three of my best friends but drew a blank there. Most surprising was the response from my colleagues. I thought that I’ll be flooded with wishes since our intra-site flashes the name of employees whose date of birth coincides with each working day.  None responded. Oh, well!!! 

            As the day wore on I stopped counting because there was nothing to count and it was the most obscure birthday I had. Good for me. Nobody knew that  I turned  forty!!

            But it would be a solace to know that I got a few wishes on my cell from Max Newyork life, LIC of India, HDFC Bank, Indyarocks and a few other companies!!!

            Another episode I recall is this.

            As usual it was a day where my husband forgot to wish me. . As he was getting ready for office he could hear my friends calling me. “Samyu, What’s it with your friends today. They have been calling you since morning?”

            “Must be a coincidence.” I replied. I was fuming inside that he forgot. It was our second year of marriage and I was expecting a wish from him, naturally!!! But none was forthcoming and my friends’ calls didn’t provide him any ample clue.

            As he sat down for breakfast I asked him “Ravi, what’s the date today?”

            “18^th, why do you ask?”

            And then suddenly his face just sparked up and said “Oh my God, I completely forgot!”

            Finally, he remembered! I was getting myself ready to hear an apology when he said “I have to honour three cheque payments tomorrow. I wonder where I am going to get the funds from. Thanks, Samyu for reminding me!” Saying so, he gave me a peck on the cheek and rushed to office.

            Another year.  Another birthday. Hubby dear forgot.

           

             In the evening as he returned from office he handed me a bunch of flowers without saying anything. 
I was surprised that he remembered, but, inquisitive as I was, I wanted to know why he got them.

            “Hey, Ravi, flowers! From where?”

           

            “They are for you, dear!!”

            And may be I should have stopped there!

            A few hours later I still prodded. “These flowers are beautiful. Where did you buy them from?” I asked nonchalantly.

            “I got the car serviced at a new place and the guys out there gave it to me!”

            Well, I should have stopped earlier!!!

            Over the years I have come to realize in my own philosophical way that birthdays are not restricted to just one particular day of the year. Each day we are being born.  Thousands of our cells are destroyed each day and new ones replace them. Physiologically we are remade everyday! Each day sees us alive because we are overcoming what is finally inevitable, Death!  Again as human beings aren’t most of us evolving each day to become better persons?

So isn’t each day our birthday? 

SLICE OF LIFE

“Radha teacher!”  

She  heard somebody call out her name in the crowded marriage hall. She turned around to see a vaguely familiar face smiling down at her. A pretty woman in her thirties stood before her.

“Do you remember me?”

The old teacher tried to recollect when suddenly she said “Oh my God! Its Ambili, isn’t it? My girl, how are you? It’s been such a long time since….” her voice dropped and she looked sadly at Ambili.

“It’s alright teacher, I have come to terms with all that happened years ago. Today I am happy. Here is my family, my husband, Pramod and my two daughters.”

The teacher looked at Pramod and almost instinctively placed her palms on his head as if to bless. Ambili’s eyes welled up in tears and she hugged her. 

Radha teacher, as she was fondly called by her colleagues, students and even the local

people in her village, was surprised to see her student after such a long time. As she sat there watching the marriage proceedings, her mind raced back to a time, 25 years back when she was a teacher in the village school.

Ambili was a student there who excelled in her studies. But as she reached her tenth class, her marks began to show a marked change and she began to frequently absent herself from school. Moreover, the girl became very morose and silent.

Radha was her class teacher and she called Ambili, one day, to find out what was wrong.

Looking at the girl sitting across her, fidgeting nervously with the ends of her shirt, she saw a pretty 15 year old with the saddest eyes ever! There was so much of melancholy on her face that Radha teacher could sense some hidden turbulence in her student’s mind.

The teacher spoke softly to her, “What’s your problem? You can tell me.

You are such a bright girl and we want you to do well in the exams. What’s ailing you,

dear? We’ll find a solution for it."

Tears began to roll down her face and in between sobs she said, “ Teacher, my mother, as you know,

 is bedridden with cancer and I have to attend to her most of the time. Besides, I have to do all the household chores. My father goes off to work and we live by his income alone. And now my brother has come back from the army blind in both eyes. So I have to take care of his needs too. Sometimes I am unable to attend school, and…..and…….” so saying she began to cry .

Ambili then looked up at her teacher intensely as if wanting to tell more.

“What is it, dear? Is there anything else?  We’ll work it out, child. Don’t worry.” Saying this Radha walked to her ward and patted her shoulders. All of a sudden the girl got up and ran out of the room crying.

That was the last Radha saw of her because Ambili stopped coming to school altogether.

Being a small village any news, big or small, spreads fast. One such was the death of Ambili’s mother. But Radha was shocked and vexed to hear another bit of news from her student’s neighbours when she went to Ambili’s house to offer condolences.

“That girl is clearly pregnant,” whispered one of them. “She has bouts of vomiting in the morning,” she offered additional gossip.

But, in a few days time the news spread like wildfire and the villagers took upon themselves to delve into the matter. The question in everybody’s mind was clearly about who was responsible, whether the girl was at fault or if any mishap had fallen her.

The villagers questioned the father and brother but both were helpless about the matter.

A few women forced the girl to reveal the name. Though initially she refused, she relented later and said that she would reveal the truth to Radha teacher alone.

That evening, the teacher and a few prominent villagers reached Ambili’s house. Radha

was uncomfortable in this new role but she knew she had to face it. But she was not ready for what she heard from Ambili . It unnerved her and almost made her puke. She even doubted the girl at first. But listening to all that the poor girl had to say she was convinced of the truth. The naked truth that the girl’s father himself was responsible for his daughter’s pregnancy!!

What later ensued was mayhem which the teacher didn’t want to recollect. But she later heard that the tormentor was beaten up and hospitalized. Ambili left the village with her brother. But as is evident today, she got a good life. Pramod was good and large hearted enough to come forward and support her.

This is a slice of life of the girl, Ambili. This happened in the late '60s in a small village in God's own country.

The story ends here. But the crux of the matter, child abuse and incestuous relationships, is still rampant. It is not always that the tormented meet with happy endings. The physical and mental turmoil that the abused goes through and the many fears that she has to later tackle in life can cripple her mentally. Such incidents can make or break an individual. To come out of such sexual and physical abuse is a big step and then to live, leaving behind the scars is another effort. When the subjects are children and adolescents, the matter is graver because the perpetrators are most of the time a close friend or relative who has an emotional upper hand over the abused. The most underlying thing called trust in such relation is torn apart and shattered. 

This is a subject that requires a lot of discussion. May be another blog?

LOST AND FOUND.......

I am not sure of marriages but I believe that friendships are made in heaven. This thought came into my mind when I was watching the Sanjay Leela Bhansali film 'Guzaarish'. It means 'request'. Its about a quadriplegic who is fighting to die. He is asking for Euthanasia, mercy killing. His cause is taken up by his friend and lawyer but fails in the attempt to get a sanction from court. It's a tearjerker all the way but it got tears out of me at a point when he tells his friend that she is the world's worst lawyer but the world's best friend. Those words triggered my memory of a friend who was very dear to me. 

I vividly recollect seeing him the first time in the college canteen  strutting about wearing the traditional black mundu and shirt worn by Swamis under oath. I mistook him to be the owner and ordered a dosa. He looked at me amusingly and soon placed the order in front of me and said “Will that be all ma’m or would you like anything else?” That’s when the bell rang inside me and I muttered a sorry. He laughed and introduced himself as Madhu.

It takes ages for me to make friends with anyone but with him it was instant and soon we became thick pals.

We discovered that we had been to the same school and class during our formative years in Chennai but couldn't recollect each other!! We had a lot of common interests, but fought on many accounts too! But the underlying fact was that there was a deep understanding between us that was surprising. Anyway college was a breeze and we did well in our studies.

When the final days of life in college approached, a fear of parting came over and a crazy idea of getting married raised its head. Instead of toying with it we presented the matter to our parents. It was met with frowns, furors and tut tuts. The situation simmered for two weeks. There was a lot of objections from both sides and so we decided to drop it. It did affect us a bit but may be we knew  that it was not to be.  

Soon we walked our different ways but always kept in touch. At the end of that year a few of us friends had an opportunity to come together for a marriage. I was excited to meet Madhu after a long gap. After the wedding all of us got together at a friend’s place. We spent time there recollecting our college days. There was so much of laughter and fun. Madhu kept us in splits with his mimics and jokes. The hours flew by and finally it was time to go back home. As he walked me to the bus stop he said he was so proud of our friendship. “It’s going to be fun to grow old together.” He added. I laughed at the comment.


"Madhu, So what were you trying to hide behind that laughing mask that you have got on ?" I asked.
He smacked his head with his hand and stood there staring at me. "Really Samyu, how did you
know?" 
"Who else would know, Madhu? I have been watching you all day and I know you are hiding something from me. So better spill the beans." Saying this I turned around to face him.
A solemn look came over his face and he simply said " Samyu, I miss you a lot. "
"I miss you too." I mumbled. 
"So, what are we going to do about it?" He asked a little mischeveously. 
" We will have to think about it, yet again." I laughed . 
" You should and lets talk about it later." He said.
Saying this he saw me off. All the way back I kept recalling our conversation and I was feeling pretty bouyant.

A few hours after reaching home I got a phone call . 
“Samyu, Madhu is no more. He is gone!!!”

I stood there numbed. "What are you talking about, Chandu? Weren't we with him a few hours back? He saw me off at the bus stop too. I know he is standing beside you and giggling. Just tell him that he is taking things too far."

“No No. Cardiac arrest, Samyu. I am sorry. He is gone" And he began to cry.

Cardiac arrest at 25?! No, I couldn't believe it! 

Suddenly reality struck in. I crumbled to the ground and began to weep uncontrollably...........

There are many things in life that may seem within your reach. But they slip away even before you realize it is gone. That’s how Madhu was to me. He was there for me, to change me, to teach me, to make me realize what love and friendship is, to mould me into the person that I am now. He touched a lot of lives besides mine. There was something about him that made people sit up and take notice. He was special and I took it for granted that he would be there always. But he went away without any formal good byes. 

The pain I felt on that day and the days ahead is probably indescribable. But time is the greatest healer and so are lives on going events. They tend to make our past hurts seem small. Ways of God and nature are beyond our comprehension. Plausible scientific explanations are limited. Beyond that there is a cosmic conspiracy and we are bound by it.

But the same universe conspired, many years later and presented me with another good friend. Well, but that’s another story!!

THE PAINTING

This happened years ago. My colleague’s housewarming was coming up. All my co-workers decided to pool in money to get him a gift. But I thought otherwise. I wanted to give him something more personal because he happened to be my best buddy.

            Those days I used to dabble myself in a little bit of painting and sketching. Hey!!What better gift than an art piece of my own!! Powered with a great idea I set about working on it. I spent about a week on the painting and finally I was happy with the result. It was an abstract painting. I got it framed and ready to be gifted.

            My friend invited us to his new home on a Sunday. I decided to give him my artwork a little earlier so that he will have the time to hang it up in an appropriate place.I handed it over to him all neatly wrapped and tied up with ribbons. He accepted it and immediately set upon opening it. As I watched him, he uncovered the gift wrap and stared at it with his mouth agape and said "Mmm…nice, Samyu, I liked it . It will find the pride of place in my home.” As an afterthought he added, “ I can hang it in any manner I want.”  He was holding it aloft and rotating it. Men!!!

            Finally on Sunday all of us from office trooped to his place for the party. It was a very beautiful house, very aesthetically done and the interiors well furnished. I eagerly looked out for my painting. I didn’t notice it in the living room or the dining hall. OK! It must be in one of the bedrooms then, I gathered. My colleagues and I moved around exploring the house but to my disappointment,the painting wasn’t anywhere!!

That was when I stepped into one of the bathrooms. I was shocked and aghast to find my framed effort dangling a little away from the toilet!!!

            I stood there fuming imagining doing things to my pal that he would never expect from his best friend. How could he do this to me?? Was it so rotten that he had to put it up in a bathroom? He could have returned it !! No wonder he remained silent about it!! I was struggling hard to hold back my tears and then immediately I shifted gear and began to think about the positive aspects of it hanging there.

            Well, for one, when I looked around , the bathroom looked more like a glamour room with mirrors, lightings and all modern amenities in place. Yes, may be it was justified in being there, I mused. Moreover there was another funny angle to it, or so I thought with a smirk. Any body sitting there and doing the job would either do it quick, finding the painting repulsive or take ones time staring at the abstractness. 

Oh! What  positives!!! I couldn’t help smiling to myself in spite of the anger.

           Thus consoling myself, I stepped out of the bathroom to come face to face with my pal /foe?! He had a quizzical look on his face noticing my sullen expression. I quickly gave him a weak smile and whizzed past him to the next room.

            All of a sudden he came behind me and said “Samyu, I am sorry! I didn’t know about your painting hanging there until now. I handed over all the trinkets to my interior designer and he finished the job only this morning. I didn’t have the time to look around and unknowingly he must have hung it there. Hey! Please don’t feel bad. I will get it removed immediately!”

            As he turned to leave I caught hold of his hand and said "Leave it there , Ravi. You know, if it is going to solve some gastronomical problems, I think you should hang it there". He stared at me for a few seconds and then we both burst out laughing, enjoying the joke and the moment of togetherness.

            16 years down the lane we are friends more than ever.  But I have to tell you it was moved to his bedroom the very next day of the party. It has become worn out now but still finds a place above the bed.

I know it because I live there . 

           

Splendour of colour

Embossing on tin.

This Ganapathi is nearly 13 yrs old
On a plate.
Thread work ; no paint.
Charcoal painting.

Splendour of colour

Ceramic painting on cup

On tile

Glass paintings